2008

Screw Systems, Use Seabirds!

Boss: If this system doesn't pick up soon we will have to keep track of our inventory on an albatross.
*Luke stares blankly*
*Moment of silence*
*Luke starts trying to understand the reference.... hmmm... keep track of our inventory on a large sea bird? I don't get it. Is this a common expression? Everyone else seems to be in agreement... How am I not getting this? Think vigeant! Think! Plucking a feather from the bird every time an order is created and feeding it a fish every time we buy stock? No! That won't work... How did I make it so far in life... What am I...*thought interrupted*
Boss: Shit, that's not the word... what's that beady thing called?
Luke: Ohhhhh an Abacus!
*Luke's brain. Phhhhew - You are still smart kiddo!*

No Blogging today (again)

Angry at someone? Take it out on Hyundai… just because…. break all hyundais.

Yes, I am at laser quest right now

I went to montanas for lunch, I am still a 10 year old boy

I Finished This Book Five Minutes Ago

Is it still trendy to read Douglas Coupland? I hope so! This was quite a sad read, but quite a good...

I wonder...

Since I started working at my new client I drive the same route, at roughly the same time, every...

Two Things I am Currently Too Addicted...

1) The Musical Stylings of ‘Justice’. 2) The Olympic Games.

My friend Lizzie came over and we drew a picture for an hour...

china should have ran their opening ceremony light show on...

Zip.ca

Joan: Hey Luke, a movie arrived for you today from Zip.ca.
Luke: Oh really! Sweet, what movie is it?
Joan: I haven't opened it yet.
Luke: Open it, my guess is that it's across the universe.
*Joan opens the envelope*
Joan: OH MY GOD, YOU WERE RIGHT! IT IS!
*2 Days Pass*
Joan: Hey sweetie, a new movie arrived in the mail. Is it ok if I open it?
Luke: Sure, my guess is that it is short circuit.
Joan: OH MY GOD YOU WERE RIGHT! IT IS!
*3 Days Pass*
Joan: Hey lukey, 2 movies arrived in the mail today from zip.ca and I opened them up!
Luke: Oh, what came? Cars and Die Hard?
Joan: YES! THOSE ARE THE EXACT TWO MOVIES THAT CAME! HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS?
Luke: Oh my, did you think I was actually just guessing them correctly?
Joan: Yes! That is what I found remarkable as you have over 50 in the queue that can come at any time.
Luke: I receive an e-mail every time they ship a movie joany...
Joan: Well isn't that delightful.

Qwerty

Hello Oakville Hydro?

Luke: Hi there, you keep on calling my cell phone insisting that my non-existant hydro bill is overdue.
Oakville Hydro: What?
Luke: I am receiving calls to my cell phone telling me I owe you money for Hydro - which is impossible.
Oakville Hydro: Well, let's check the system. What is your phone number?
Luke: Well, it is: (###) ###-#### - But that is beside the point as I don't have a hydro account.
Oakville Hydro: Yes, we have not received a payment against the account associated with that number.
Luke: I believe you. But, the person you are talking to is not the person associated against that number.
Oakville Hydro: What? How? Am I speaking to Mr.Ramsay?
Luke: No, my name is Luke. Also, I don't have a hydro bill, I still live at home... I am a kid. Listen to me, do I sound like I am old enough to have a hydro bill? I think that I inherited the number of our friend, the delinquent Mr.Ramsay.
Oakville Hydro: What? Ok, I get it.
Luke: Ok, so can I get my number removed from your naughty list?
Oakville Hydro: Yes, and you have no knowledge of the whereabouts of the previous owner of this number?
Luke: Correct, I am honestly pretty mad at bell for not providing me this information.
Oakville Hydro: What?
Luke: Thank you, byeee! Also, I am going to pull a ramsay and cancel this number so the next time you call it won't be me. I am being serious. This has nothing to do with you, it's a timing thing! I don't know if you want to make a note in your system or something.

Listen

My friend Tyler Kenyon takes a picture a day while he lives...

Gnocchi with chorizo, pears, and tomatoes, in red pepper...

Econodiculous

Is a word that Paul Brown and I accidently created yesterday. Definition: Something that makes...

I’m waalking downtown toronto and spot this. Greyhound...

Letters for iPhones - Volume 1 of ?

After seeing how wonderful my iPhone is, a co-worker of mine decided that he needed one. He went...

I am currently experiencing pre-fullblast muusic

Good morning

I have blogged about this sign before… Now see it with...

The people I work with are stoked on my new iPhone

The Baseball Game*

*Paul, Luke, et al. arrive at the BlueJays Game on Friday*
Paul: Woaaah we are at the baseball game, this is going to be the best birthday party ever!!! WOOOOOEEEEHHHH
Luke: WoOoooOOoeoooeeeh! I AM SO STOKED FOR THE GAME
*15 Minutes Pass*
*Luke and Paul are standing outside of Gate 5*
Paul: You got kicked out too?
Luke: Yep!
Paul: Want to head back to Oakville?
Luke: Yep!

I Think I Remember What Love is

Today I purchased my first ever iPhone. This was nice as I spent the majority of Saturday scouring...

am I currently blogging from my iphone?

Yes. How wonderful it is going to be for all of you.

I Have Not Blogged in a While...

My heart is no longer in it. P.S. I think I could fall in love with internet celebrity Veronica...

Work

ing

Listen

Happy Forbez Day - Entry #3

*Luke and Jeff are trying to get movie tickets for a late showing of the new Batman movie*
Jeff: Have you tried Yorkdale?
*Luke Calls the Yorkdale Theater*
Luke: Hi there, I tried to buy some tickets online for your theater for the 10:30 showing of Batman but even though it is not sold out... I can't purchase it online.
Theater Employee: Oh, that is because we only have 9 tickets left for the show... and they can only be purchased in person.
Luke: Can I buy them over the phone?
Theater Employee: Sorry, no! We only have 9 tickets left for the show... and they can only be purchased in person.
Luke: Thanks
*luke hangs up the phone*
Luke: Darn it, I'll tell Mike that we can't buy tickets in advance...
*Luke walks across the office*
Luke: Dude, there are only 9 tickets... and they can only be picked up in person.
Mike: Ok, well Ruth is meeting us there... (Ruth is Forbez's girlfriend), tell forbez to get her to pick up the tickets.
*Mike winks implying that it was a joke*
*Luke and the client laugh at the joke*
*Luke walks back to the meeting room Jeff is in*
Luke: Jeff, Mike said that he is going to be really upset if we don't get tickets to the show and that you need to send Ruth to get the tickets!
*Jeff picks up his phone and immediately dials Ruth*
Jeff: Ruth, we need you to go pick up movie tickets... you have to go quick or Mike will be mad... I love you... thank you...
Luke: Dude, I can't believe you actually just did that... I was waiting for you to question the order. *luke laughs out loud* let's go tell Mike.
*Luke and Jeff walk over to Mike's desk*
Luke: Mike, Jeff asked Ruth to get the tickets...
Mike: WHAT?!? Really?
Luke: Yeah, I guess I need to work on the timing in my sarcasm.
Jeff: What the $&%!! Well, you said Mike was going to be mad... so I acted fast!
Luke: You told her to get the VIP seats right...
Mike: Right dude?
Jeff: Here I'll call her back... shit she is probably in the subway?
Mike: SHE IS TAKING THE SUBWAY?!?! all the way there?!? tell her to take a cab and i'll pay for it.
Jeff: I AM NOT TELLING HER THAT!
Luke: I'll tell her.
Jeff: Fine, good luck.
*Jeff dials the Phone Number and hands the phone to Luke*
Luke: Forbez, you recognize that I am giving her a call and providing her with good news right? News that she doesn't have to take the subway and gets to take a better mode of transportation and for free...
Jeff: Give me the phone.
*Entire Office bursts out into laughter*
*Author's Note: Ruth did get to the theater in time to get tickets, without her we would not have seen the movie. While the series of events leading to the tickets being purchased is borderline ridiculous, the fact that Forbez's girlfriend loves him enough to do this is very cute - This concludes Forbez day, thank you for all the fun stories Forbez, I appreciate them very much. Readers look forward to the next Forbez day on August 23rd 2008*

Happy Forbez Day - Entry #2

*Forbez, Jon, Mike and Luke are walking back to the client's office after lunch*
Mike: What is your stance on them?
Luke: I think that they are more sarcastic than I am, and that frightens me.
*Group Laughs*
Mike: Dude, that is the best comment of the entire day!
*Forbez looks visibly hurt*
Forbez: Umm, what about that joke I made at lunch time? That one was pretty good!
Luke: What was that joke again?
Forbez: The one about how Jon will soon be driving a mini-van and that he won't be able to tell anyone to check their masculinity.
Luke: Ok, that was funny... but more importantly... are you touting your joke as the funniest joke of the lunch? For real Forbez? You are self proclaiming that you had the best joke?
Jeff: Well, it was..
*Jon interrupts and begins imitating Jeff*
Jon (in Jeff's voice): Guys, My joke was the funniest of lunch... what about my joke! It was soooo funny!
Luke (in Jeff's voice): Luke's joke had nothing on mine, I can't believe you guys thought that Luke's was funnier...
Jon (in Jeff's voice): MY JOKE was the funniest... do you remember it? It was way better than lukes!
Jeff: I hate you guys.

Happy Forbez Day - Entry #1

Luke Vigeant -c-/C... i KNOW VERY LITTEL ABOUT THE MATERIAL MASTER
Luke Vigeant -c-/C... Woah
Luke Vigeant -c-/C... that wasn't mean to be caps
Jeff Forbes -c-/CA/... you sure
Luke Vigeant -c-/C... haha
Jeff Forbes -c-/CA/... (shoe-or)
Luke Vigeant -c-/C... yeah, that is my anger coming out
Jeff Forbes -c-/CA/... so here is the thing
Jeff Forbes -c-/CA/... the proper pronunciation of sure is shoe-or
Jeff Forbes -c-/CA/... my original pronunciation was shore
Jeff Forbes -c-/CA/... your pronunciation is shur
Luke Vigeant -c-/C... shoe-er
Jeff Forbes -c-/CA/... where shoe-or is the real pronunciation wouldn't shore be more right than shur
Jeff Forbes -c-/CA/... nah shoe-or
Luke Vigeant -c-/C... go to dictionary.com forbez
Luke Vigeant -c-/C... look it up
Luke Vigeant -c-/C... it's pronounced shur
Luke Vigeant -c-/C... you just dug your own grave on this
Jeff Forbes -c-/CA/... shur..
Jeff Forbes -c-/CA/... i hate you
Luke Vigeant -c-/C... I am copying and pasting this communication and blogging it.
Jeff Forbes -c-/CA/... did you know sure is an adverb
Jeff Forbes -c-/CA/... and an adjuective
Jeff Forbes -c-/CA/... on TV they say shoe-or
Luke Vigeant -c-/C... Prove that.
Luke Vigeant -c-/C... I dare you/

Youtube Losers

proflyons: Who are the people who take a song and make their own slideshow montage to accompany it,...

Ten internet points to the first person who messages me on...

Lars, The Real Girl, and I hung out this weekend. It went...

Looking up Vigeants on Facebook does not instill confidence...

Forbez Vs. Punkaj

*Jeff Forbez (internet star on this blog) and a resource from India named Punkaj are having a discussion on Master Data*
Forbez: Punkaj, it doesn't really matter what data we use in this set... we just want to ensure that the system is pulling the data properly.
Punkaj: I understand.
*Author's Note - He clearly did not understand*
Forbez: We can just use rough data...
*Author's Note -We work with a colleague named Raphael and he is referred to as 'Raph'*
Punkaj: I understand.
Forbez: Great:
Punkaj: Do you want me to talk to Raphael?
Forbez: What?
Punkaj: To get some of his data...
Forbez: What?
Punkaj: We need raph's data to use the test...
Forbez: No we don't...
Punkaj: You just said we did...
Forbez: No! We need rough data...
Punkaj: I know!!
Forbez: Noooo, rouuugh data. It is a Canadian expression. Rough data.
Punkaj: What does it mean?
*At this point of the conversation I am laughing hysterically on the other side of the cubicle wall. I am out of sight, but still audible*
Forbez: Well, rough data means data that is not yet perfect... and may not be relevant to the real world scenario.
Punkaj: So this data will be false...
Forbez: Rough data is not correct...
Punkaj: I snuck in a competitor's product... can you get me a glass to pour it in?
Forbez: Yes.
*Conversation Ends*

My Computer Tells Me What Time It Is...

I have had it programmed to do so for the past month, and I highly recommend it to everyone....

Ten Reasons Why I Should Work at Moon...

I like helping boats as they are coming in to the dock. I am very good at catching ropes and...

I wish I was still here.

Goodbye Friends

Dear Readers, In the interest of preventing a nervous breakdown I am going to be traveling to...

When snooping for a new status update to...

I found out one of my childhood best friends got married this past weekend… and then I...

I love this man… he is famous… and I know at...

I am stealing facebook status updates...

starting now!

Listen

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

This Band Goes Out to Paul Brown and Cameron...

As if I was not nerdy enough...

I have delved into the world of graphic novels. I can feel the classic tKenyon ‘Nerd’...

My Poor Heart

There are a lot of people my age at my current client, they work on the trendy marketing floor one...

One Minute Ago I Finished This Book - I...

I enjoyed it very much… but don’t really see how too many other people...

I Just got Home From Work

Heeeelllo genuinely solid excuse for not blogging today.

It's Canada Day! Let's Fight! A...

*Luke, Todd, and Show are sitting in an Oakville Pizza Pizza, they are about to dive into a large green pepper and sausage. There are two thugged out 16 year old kids* sitting at a table beside them, both are very skinny, one is black, one is white from this point forward they will be referred to as b16 and w16*
b16: Hey lameoids, you should give me a slice of your pizza!
w16: Yeaaaaah, give us some pizza... sha sha sha sha sha.
Luke: Umm, sorry boys. No way.
*Show Grunts*
Todd: You already have pizza!!
b16: Frig you guys, how old are you anyway? LIKE 26?!?!? HAHAHHAHA
w16: Sha sha sha sha sha.
Luke: Well, you are actually pretty close!
b16: Wooooah youngin, are you trying to fight me?
Todd: I am pretty sure no one here is trying to fight you.
w16: You guys are so old!
*Paul, Cam, and Smith walk into Pizza Pizza, Order their pizza, and come over and talk*
b16: Had to call backup ehhh?
w16: Arrr, yeah you had to call backup!!
Luke: You guys are ridiculous.
b16: Stop trying to fight me...
Todd: No one here is trying to fight with you!
Paul: Hey, I am trying to fight with you.
*B16 stands up*
b16: Then let's tussle!
Paul: Woooah, by fighting I mean dance fighting... you are cool with that right?
b16: Frig it, let's fight...
w16: oooooohhhhhhh!
Paul: Let's dance.
*Paul, B16, Cam, W16 and Show step out of Pizza Pizza*
*Paul begins dancing around the parking lot, sidestepping back and forth instigating a dance fight*
*B16 charges Paul to try and instigate a real fight*
*Behind the restaurant window Luke can not hear what is being said, but perceives there to be a standoff along the lines of: *
b16: Punch me!
Paul: Dance against me!
*Show runs in between Paul and b16*
Show: Step back.
b16: Punch me!
Show: Step back!
*b16 and paul start to grapple*
*cam grabs b16 and takes him to the ground*
*luke, todd, and smith leave the restaurant and step in to break things off*
*fighting continues for less than a minute with many punches landing on faces and people being thrown to the ground*
*b16 and w16 are pinned*
Crowd: Guys just leave, we don't want to hurt you!
b16: Woooah, let's do a 2 on 2... me and my boy vs. two of you.
Crowd: No one wants to fight you.
b16: Fight?
Crowd: no.
*b16 and w16 start walking away, luke runs up and walks with them around the bend*
Luke: Hey guys, sorry about not wanting to fight after the initial fight! We just don't like fighting... and you guys are both 16...
b16: Whatever man, you guys are all racist! Look at me and tell you that you didn't hit me because I was black.
Luke: Dude, why don't you tell that to my girlfriend of the past two years... she will find that interesting because she is black!
b16: My brother, I didn't know!
*b16 and w16 walk away*
Writer's note: I wish that I could say that the conclusion of the story was embellished, but I can't... that is actually how everything ended. For new readers who don't know me... I don't have a long term black girlfriend... but the white lie prevented a fight... which makes it justifiable in the end. Were you at the fight? Write your perspective... I'd love to hear it! Weren't at the fight, BUT want to write your perspective on how you felt it went down? Go for it!
*This conversation contained strong language, but it has been removed as I had one of my '>50 year old' readers tell me to keep my blog clean*

Listen

Listen

Jeff Forbes Understands Business

*The partner in charge of my company'sToronto Practice is sitting at a desk getting ready to enter a meeting with the steering committee of a client. The partner is wearing a long-sleeved button up shirt with the top three buttons undone.*
Jeff Forbes' Brain: Ohhhh man Jeff, look at the partner! The third button is undone... and he is about to enter that very important meeting. YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.
*Jeff Forbes opens up our MSN application*
forbes@importantcompany.com: Hey Partner, it's jeff.
partner@importantcompany.com: Hey Jeff, what's up?
forbes@importantcompany.com: Uhh, I wanted to let you know that your third button is undone.
*The partner looks down at his fly and checks all three buttons*
partner@importantcompany.com: No it isn't...
Jeff Forbes' Brain: Ohhhh man Jeff, this is urgent... abandon MSN and run over and talk to him in person!!! This is important!!! YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO LOOK LIKE A FOOL IN THE MEETING!!!!!
*Jeff Forbes leaps across the room*
Jeff Forbes: Sir, I meant the third button of your shirt is undone.
Partner: Yeah, I know... that is how I wear this shirt.
Jeff: Oh.
Partner: Yeah... anyway I am off to this meeting.
Jeff Forbes' Brain: You are not getting a promotion this year.

vigeant.dudevice.com currently sucks.

Check back when I get creative again… (i.e. 2 days)

To Kill a Friend

My cat Magic was diagnosed with a fatal disease today.  The disease is progressing very quickly and...

Jeff Forbes Can't Interpret Vanity...

I AM CA Was interpreted by Jeff Forbes as: “I am Chartered Accountant”

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This picture still exists.

I Saw This Band Last Night at an Art Gallery...

I have been trying to upload a video to...

and it keeps screwing up… over and over. I am about ready to stop using these kids.

Hey Alex, Sorry to hear that google analytics is not yet...

via flikr

Dear Halifax,

I would like to thank you for visiting my page the most today. It appears that 12 people who live in...

Reply All

Those of you who know me, know that I work for a well-respected company that is heavily rooted in...

I am in a very bad mood today...

No fun for any of my visitors as a result.

My Job?

*Relevant Information: My roommate and I recently renovated the basement of our house, these renovations took roughly two months. While the renovations were underway I was doing work that was non-client dependent and as a result I was working from my home office. While working from home I saw the contractors almost everyday as I went down to check up on what they were doing, and I often asked them to move their truck so I could get lunch*
*End of 'Relevant Information'*
*Having worked a very long day on Thursday, I wanted to go to bed quite early, and I made the decision to take a 'man bath' before doing so. I walked out of the house to let my roommate know my plan (as she was on the front step) and the contractor who had been working in my basement was standing with her*
Luke: Hey Joany, I am absolutely exhausted so I am going to jump in the bath and then hit the hay.
Joan: Ok sweetie pie, have fun in the tub.
Contractor: Yeah, must have been a pretttty exhausting day.
Luke: ... ok... it was.
Contractor: I have been working straight from noon today, I am exhausted, I am the one that could use a bath..
Luke: Well, I worked a similar interval of time?
Contractor: Pfft, on what?!? I have worked every day this week! Long days every day.
Luke: Ok, I understand that... I have also done that... and am now home.... i started my day earlier than you... and I am taking a bath and going to bed.
Contractor: Oh, so you got a job?
Luke: Yeah dude, I have had a job for the past 11 months... since I finished school.
Contractor: How? Do you work nights somewhere?
Luke: No I work for *my company*... I am a consultant.
Contractor: HOW?!?
Luke: ...
Contractor: You didn't leave the house once the entire time I was working there.
Luke: Yeah, because I can do a lot of my work from home...
Contractor: Ok.
Luke: Ok
Joan: I got some new bubble-bath, it's on the mantel! I moved the matches from the drawer on the left to the drawer on the right if you wanted to light that scented candle you like.
Luke: ...